How often do you tell yourself “what if _______ doesn’t work?” Honestly, this phone call took me a long time to make because of the “what if” question for myself. I also knew in my heart that once I made the phone call it was going to “officially” start my journey of finding out if I was actually going to be a candidate.
How did I actually get to this tipping point of picking up the phone? Honestly, I have to say that it was a couple of things. One was the numerous conversations that I had with audiology and ENT squad friends that I have. Each time I would have a conversation, I felt my courage building to make the call. Another was a book that I read on the way to an audiology conference.
Every conference and every meeting that I have been at for the past couple of years has driven me to ask my audiology friends and otolaryngology/ENT friends their advice about getting a cochlear implant. I have a photo of my audiogram on my phone and I would pull it up and ask, what do you think?? What a huge asset and blessing to be able to reach out to so many different people and gain additional knowledge about the process and candidacy. I have ENT/Cochlear Implant surgeon friends all over Ohio who have given me their personal cell phone numbers and told me to reach out anytime with questions. I have audiology squad friends near and far who work with or at CI centers across Ohio and the nation who have answered many questions about candidacy and the process. I have cochlear implant manufacturer contacts who allow me to ask many questions and have connected me with CI users.
Still, my mind goes back to the “what if” in my life. What if this is not the right decision? What if this does not work? What if I choose the wrong CI center? What if my brain never gets used to hearing with a cochlear implant? What if the CI fails? What if I get dizzy all the time? The “what ifs” were the reasons that I did not pick up the phone.
On my way to an audiology conference, I picked up a book in the airport to read on the plane. The book “Girl Stop Apologizing” by Rachel Hollis caught my eye. God seems to put the right tools in my hand when I ask and need it. In this book the introductory chapter is titled “What If”….One question Rachel Hollis asks is “What if God put this on my heart for a reason?”. Immediately, I was reminded of the little voice that wakes up with me each morning that asks me “what if you call and find out if you are a candidate for a cochlear implant?”.
I want to quote Rachel Hollis because this struck me so profoundly and I knew that I must make the call.
That what if? That’s your potential knocking on the door of your heart and begging it to find the courage to override all of the fear in your head. That what if is there for a reason. That what if is your guidepost. That what if tells you where to focus next. (pg. X111)
The accumulation of many conversations with my family, audiology and ENT squads, the right book at the right time, and my own faith propelled me to override all of the fear in my head to make THE CALL! My what if became a “what if this call changes your life for the better”.
On May 22, 2019, I made the call and scheduled for a cochlear implant assessment at The Ohio State University for July 30, 2019!
Do you have a “what if” in your life that is begging to be overcome? What is holding you back?